Did you think I forgot about you? (ok idk who I’m referring to in “you” exactly but we are just going to roll with, okay?) Well, I have most certainly not forgotten. 

Let’s talk about some of the things that have been on my mind lately/today. 

When I am in a bad mood I feel so “fat.” I can feel every area of skin on my body that folds or rolls, it feels like the tiny bit of extra skin under my chin (most of which I think is just how my face is and nothing to do with my weight) becomes a massive, heavy double chin like something out of a cartoon. And that’s the thing, the way I feel when I’m tired, angry, sad, etc is cartoonish. It’s exaggerated and blown way out of proportion in my mind.

I know this because when I am in a good mood, when I have just worked out, when I’m with my friends, when I’m wearing an outfit that makes me feel stylish and attractive, I feel great! I feel beautiful, vibrant, and happy. 

It’s not a secret that I am far from skinny. I wear a size 16 jeans normally (shocking I know). But when I am feeling good this doesn’t bother me. In fact there are plenty of times when I will look at myself in the mirror and think “you know what, I’m not perfect, but what’s so great about being super skinny?” 

Of course both sides of this metaphorical coin are a little skewed. I am not huge, nor obese, nor unhealthy. However, there are of course benefits to being thin. I have a hard time feeling comfortable in a t-shirt alone for example. I am always worried about my stomach showing etc, which is of course a problem thin people don’t have. 

In my latest Glamour magazine there was an article about if one can be over weight and healthy. I know that I am healthy. From blood tests I know my cholesterol and all those other things are perfect, my blood pressure is normal etc. I know that its the HT that makes me overweight, not so much my food or activity level (both of which I work pretty hard to keep healthy). 

And so I got to thinking about some things that are often brought up about ideals of beauty in society today. Why is being skin and bone desirable? Sure super skinny girls can look good in their size 0s but, I have a hard time understanding why this 

 and this: 

became more desirable than this:

this:

this: 

or this:

I don’t want to make any judgements about what is healthier etc. But my point is just that, I have felt lately that I have to come to terms with how my body looks right now. Do I want to lose some weight? Of course! Would I rather be a size 8 than a size 16? Hell yeah! But that doesn’t mean that I can’t be stylish and happy now as well. 

I don’t know if this post makes any sense at all. It’s just a jumble of thoughts I had to get down. 

See I’m not always unhappy about my life even if I am always a little angry fate gave me HT.

So I suppose that is all folks!

Au revoir!

Elli