Did you think I forgot about you? (ok idk who I’m referring to in “you” exactly but we are just going to roll with, okay?) Well, I have most certainly not forgotten. 

Let’s talk about some of the things that have been on my mind lately/today. 

When I am in a bad mood I feel so “fat.” I can feel every area of skin on my body that folds or rolls, it feels like the tiny bit of extra skin under my chin (most of which I think is just how my face is and nothing to do with my weight) becomes a massive, heavy double chin like something out of a cartoon. And that’s the thing, the way I feel when I’m tired, angry, sad, etc is cartoonish. It’s exaggerated and blown way out of proportion in my mind.

I know this because when I am in a good mood, when I have just worked out, when I’m with my friends, when I’m wearing an outfit that makes me feel stylish and attractive, I feel great! I feel beautiful, vibrant, and happy. 

It’s not a secret that I am far from skinny. I wear a size 16 jeans normally (shocking I know). But when I am feeling good this doesn’t bother me. In fact there are plenty of times when I will look at myself in the mirror and think “you know what, I’m not perfect, but what’s so great about being super skinny?” 

Of course both sides of this metaphorical coin are a little skewed. I am not huge, nor obese, nor unhealthy. However, there are of course benefits to being thin. I have a hard time feeling comfortable in a t-shirt alone for example. I am always worried about my stomach showing etc, which is of course a problem thin people don’t have. 

In my latest Glamour magazine there was an article about if one can be over weight and healthy. I know that I am healthy. From blood tests I know my cholesterol and all those other things are perfect, my blood pressure is normal etc. I know that its the HT that makes me overweight, not so much my food or activity level (both of which I work pretty hard to keep healthy). 

And so I got to thinking about some things that are often brought up about ideals of beauty in society today. Why is being skin and bone desirable? Sure super skinny girls can look good in their size 0s but, I have a hard time understanding why this 

 and this: 

became more desirable than this:

this:

this: 

or this:

I don’t want to make any judgements about what is healthier etc. But my point is just that, I have felt lately that I have to come to terms with how my body looks right now. Do I want to lose some weight? Of course! Would I rather be a size 8 than a size 16? Hell yeah! But that doesn’t mean that I can’t be stylish and happy now as well. 

I don’t know if this post makes any sense at all. It’s just a jumble of thoughts I had to get down. 

See I’m not always unhappy about my life even if I am always a little angry fate gave me HT.

So I suppose that is all folks!

Au revoir!

Elli

Ok I just decided this blog will contain bad language because we are being honest with each other here right?

I just spent a half an hour writing this great post about my thoughts tonight. I hit “create post” and all that shows up on my blog it the title?!?!?

I am seriously mad and I am definitely now feeling like the world hates me tonight. But that is a pointless thought. What happens happens and there is nothing I can do but accept that it happened and move on.

Goodnight friends

Elli

Hello!

I could talk about a lot of things here. I am excellent at rambling so I’m sure I could go on and on about myself before ever actually getting to the real point of this post or this blog. But I’m going to try not to do that, so let’s get down to business and defeat the huns. 

Here is why I am starting this blog:

1. I have hypothyroidism (if the title didn’t make that obvious). I am not dying or seriously handicapped. Other than my weight no one would ever know I have Hypothyroidism from looking at me. In the grand scheme of life it’s certainly not the worst thing that could have happened to me. That said it sucks. There are times when it feels like the worst thing in the world. After another afternoon feeling fat, gross, and self-pitying the idea of a blog popped into my mind. This leads me into reason

2. Because I have Hypothyroidism (is it ok if we call is HT from now on? Hypothyroidism is a bitch to type over and over) I have plenty of complaints. Sure I have good days, fine days, days when I can almost forget about my HT. But then there are other days where none of that is true. And what better place to whine about your problems than a diary? And because I am part of the technology generation naturally I thought why have a private diary when I can have a diary the whole world can read? 

3. I used to have a blog about weight loss. This was about 2 years ago before I knew about my HT. It lasted just about a summer and I spent A LOT of time reading other blogs. Reading all those blogs I noticed a few common themes. Almost every one was written by a pretty, skinny girl, who really seemed to have her shit together. Perhaps she had lost wait, or had once had an eating disorder, or was once an alien, but now life was freaking perfect. Let me tell you something now I am NOT perfect, I certainly do not have my shit together, I am not skinny, I’m kind of pretty I guess, and my HT is far from under control. So I wanted to make a blog about not being perfect and happy and lovely 24/7. (if you are really interested this is the link to my old blog: http://sesquipedalian2.wordpress.com/ it makes me cringe now because I was trying really hard to appear perfect when let me tell you, I was not)

4. This last reason has nothing to do with my HT, but my life does not revolve completely around HT so this seems fitting. I am a writer (am I aloud to say that about myself? I say I am and this is my blog so it’s my rules). I loooove to write. But being a senior in high school does not always allow much time for writing. Also writing fiction especially requires a lot of thought and planning and time. But having a blog seemed to me to be a good way to write on a more regular basis and therefore hopefully improve my writing. I don’t have to conceptualize characters, think of a plot, or create a narrator because this is my real life so that’s done for me. I also don’t have to worry so much about proper grammar, pacing, literary devices, etc because like I said: my blog my rules. 

So there ya go! I am starting this blog! If I were over 21 and it wouldn’t break my computer now might be the time I would smash a bottle of champagne to christen it. 

One small technical note: I am a senior in high school. I am an honors student (there’s no way to say that and not sound self-important). I have friends (shocking as it sounds). Basically I sometimes have a life. That being said I have no idea how regularly I will be posting. I will try to post as often as I can and we’ll see. As time goes on perhaps I will find a schedule that works for me. But I make no promises. 

Alrighty, that is all for this post. I am hungry and so I am going to go eat now, because eating is a good thing. 

Live long and prosper my friends!

Elli